the weather. the smell of the air. i know its getting closer. i can watch myself melt into insanity. I've stopped eating. i've started cutting again. I can't stand the memories...and they won't leave me alone. I am on three prescriptions. I can't ever sleep...and when I manage to be happy...its only as long as need be...then night comes, on silent stupid wings...and breathes suicide down my neck.

thank your fairy godmother if you read this and laugh. thank your lucky stars. thank your horascope, thank your genetics, thank God...because everyone deserves better...but we all live in hell. so laugh it up. feel sorry. and cut your cuts...because in the ecstasy of that moment, only then are you really in control of anything. the rest of the time we might as well live in the matrix, or some other plastic form of candy coated reality.

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