It has been years. Years upon years. Originally, I had a little something to do with this site. For year it has all seemed so far away from me, like such a distant part of my past. Now, here it comes like a very close part of my future. The realization came when I realized. I just don't care. That's all there is to it. I don't care about anything. I don't care about paper number three, so I can't write it. I don't care abut money, so I throw it all away on drugs and alcohol. I don't care about myself, so I do nothing to better or help myself in any way. I just don't care about anything at all, important or unimportant. I want to move back home and lay in bed all day, watching t.v. and not caring. Most people would consider this an issue, but really it isn't. Why is this not an issue? Because I do not care. For the first time in my life nothing matters. I am not sad, I am not happy. I am not worried nor excited about the future, I lack all excitement. I just do not care.

And in the end, this was all to say that I will never be free. Recovery is a joke.

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