have you ever cried so hard that you couldn't breathe? actually choked on tears? ever since the start of this school year, i've been ruining my life. picking fights with friends, loving and breaking hearts...almost been to the point of suicidal thoughts.

i know that i don't have it that bad off. i know my life is close to perfect. but it all doesn't seem to matter anymore. there's nothing here that i look forward to, there's nothing that makes me want to get up in the morning. i feel so empty ever since i broke up with him. but i don't love him. today i finally got over him, and i know i have because i can look back and remember all the good stuff, and not hurt or wish for it once again. i guess mainly i just wish there was someone there for me, someone who understands me completely, and gives me answers to questions that even i didn't think of. i need someone to just be my friend, to not leave me for anyone else, like all the people around me seem to do.

...i've never cut myself, because i've seen what it does to the people around you, how people look at the cuts on your wrists. but i've known cutters, they're some of the people closest to me, lately, and i've vowed never to stoop that low.

but sometimes i need help. sometimes i want to see my own blood. it scares me.

♥

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