I don't even remember how many years ago it was... five or six I'd guess. Five or six years ago a group of strangers started this site. Cuttersclub. I knew it was going to be something good for everybody in the land of diary. Looking back at my old entries makes my heart sink. Looking at all the recent entries, written by more strangers, makes my heart hurt for them. So sad, so hurt, so lost. I know where they've been and I know what they are feeling. I wanted to come back here years later and tell them my triumphant story of quitting self-mutilation and becoming a happy person. I wanted to give somebody hope some day. But instead I am coming back here with the same feelings I've always had. While most people yearn for drugs, cigarettes, alcohol... I yearn for a cut. The only thought on my mind twenty four hours a day is how amazing it would be to have a razor across my skin. I've only slipped up twice in three years, but still, I want it so bad. I want to add to my hundreds of scars. My will power has been run out and I am ready to begin again. I am ready to calm myself down, I am ready to feel a real feeling for once, a feeling I can control. I am ready to feel my own, cold blood on my own cold skin.

-evilsuicide-jackie-jackiexblue

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