I wish I didn't miss cutting. I wish I could say I regret the scars on my arms and legs. I wish I wanted to have never started.

The truth is I do miss cutting. I miss it more than I ever thought possible. I miss the feel of the razor pulling across my skin. I miss the blood running down my arms and legs. I miss turning washcloths and handtowels red. And I guess in a way I do regret the scars on my arms, but only because I want to put them there again.

I want to not feel this way, but I just can't help it. Cutting makes me feel beautiful.

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